What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 15:54
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
What are some ways to improve speed in sprinting, running uphill, and long/middle distance running?
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I think the readers, may guess!
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As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He knew the spot.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
What is your twin flame story?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
The Webb telescope found something exceedingly rare around a dying star - Mashable
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I have no regrets .
My family never makes their pension either.
Reality TV star’s son dead at 16: ‘Life is so cruel and unfair’ - AL.com
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
What did i know ?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
How do schizophrenia symptoms change throughout the day?
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
I was seconnd youngest,
'Classmates threw Snickers at me to test my peanut anaphylaxis' - BBC
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
When she asked me how she looked .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
This is soul school!.
There’s a place where humans are evolving right before our eyes - Boy Genius Report
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
I waited trembling.
Comes on , in middle age.
One cannot live in the past .
Why did i forgive my father ?
I don,t even have a pension.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
As i do to all so called friends.?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was very sick at this time too.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
So, i spoilt her more .
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We all went to grammer schools
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
Would this be the day?
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
But ive been too sick for many years..
So whats the point in blame.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I could never make a relationship work though!
He resisted the act ,that day.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I was 9 years of age.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Who then, do I blame.?
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She found it foreign!.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
I couldn’t, believe it.
She loved him until the end.
(And it was in our own minds.)
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
She wouldn,t have been !
She married twice! .
The only rule us 5 kids had .
We were not on the streets..
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My life is so biszare .
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
All the time i was locked up.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
But it wasn’t much.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Especially a lifetime of it.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Ive learnt so much.
But, we were locked up after school.
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
It was going to be , some day.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
I said to her
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I write beautiful poetry .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I was scared of men, in general
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I will be 64.
She was in good health!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And i lived it daily.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Put me off passion for life!!
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Was to survive, this bastard.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im still living with it.